Lexicon of Abuse: Breadcrumbing

Continuing ‘Lexicon’ our series on terms regularly used in discussions of grooming….

Breadcrumbing is a term to describe where a person sends flirtatious messages or engages in sporadic communication, just enough to keep someone interested, but they have no genuine intention of pursuing a relationship.

The term "breadcrumbing" comes from the idea of leaving a trail of breadcrumbs behind, as in the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale. In the fairy tale, the breadcrumbs were meant to help them find the way back home, but of course the birds had eaten them - the way back had vanished. In the dating world, breadcrumbs usually lead nowhere.

Someone doing the breadcrumbing will communicate warmly, perhaps sending a few flirty texts one day, then ‘ghosting’ the recipient the next, responding to an Instagram story a few days later, and then disappearing altogether for a week.

The effect on the recipient/victim

Breadcrumbing behaviour is inconsistent and unpredictable, making it difficult for the person being ‘breadcrumbed’ to move on or find closure. They have often been given just enough to hold out hope or expectation that the other person is heading toward a relationship with them.

It can be a frustrating and emotionally draining experience for the recipient. They are left feeling confused about where they stand with the individual doing the ‘breadcrumbing’.

Deliberate or not, breadcrumbing is a form of emotional manipulation that can be detrimental to the mental health and wellbeing of those involved.

Why do it?

For some people, the positive attention from others is important, and this is not unusual when someone has come out of a long term relationship and is enjoying the validation.

Others enjoy the power dynamic of keeping someone interested without actually committing to them.

Some might be unwilling or unable to pursue a serious relationship for emotional or logistical reasons (like already being married or work commitments), but they still enjoy the excitement of flirting and the benefits of having someone to talk to when they're feeling lonely.

If you are being breadcrumbed

If you find yourself being breadcrumbed, it's important to communicate with the other person about your feelings and expectations to see if they match.

If you are looking for a serious relationship, you deserve someone who will fully invest in and respect your relationship, rather than someone who only wants to string you along!